Self-Awareness & Raising Our EQ: 4th Part: “It's All About Reaction”
In the previous part of this story that we named “story of my dear self “, we learned 4 steps to settle with ‘my inner self’. The next and final step is about what we bring out as a result of all this exercise that we practised. This step is important as it connects our inner world to the outer world.
Self-awareness is a path of self-discovery. Like in the book “The Power of Now,” we read about a beggar who sat on an ordinary-looking box for years, without opening it to see inside. When he finally opened it, he found it filled with gold. Our minds are those boxes we forget to open and explore for a long time. Many of us live superficial lives and never notice the “golden talents and treasures” ALLAH subhanahu wa ta’ala has placed inside us in our default state.
We began our journey from me to the outside world. Every person has a unique presence in the world. Likewise, how I connect and react can also differ.
Before going ahead, I would like to recap the five steps of this process of raising our emotional intelligence:
What am I feeling? Step one
Why am I feeling this? Step two
How to deal with it? (inside me) Step three
How comfortable am I with this deal? Step four
How to react? (towards others) Step five
Maintaining happiness and peace in a relationship requires a great deal of patience and compassion. It takes courage to tolerate, forgive and move forward after challenging moments. Our reactions are powerful tools that can either strengthen or damage our valuable relationships.
Practising to react naturally well is not an easy task. It takes sincere and consistent efforts. Since it carries huge importance, I would say it is worth every bit of effort.
A natural positive reaction comes from a happy and healthy soul. Such souls are with clean and sound hearts. This is the type of heart that the Quran says “Qalbi Saleem” قَلْبِ سَلِيم
Those hearts that have a sound connection of trust with ALLAH can only find happiness and peace in this world in the true sense. Due to this unshakable relationship with ALLAH, they can go along with even difficult people and moments comparatively easily and keep on going with their hearts unchanged during these hardships.
Life presents us with difficult moments that offer valuable lessons. Some of these moments can either bring specific people closer to us or distance them from us. Those who stand by us during tough and uneasy times are the true gifts from ALLAH. It is essential to nurture such relationships with care and cherish those connections with open hearts.
At this point, we will discuss two common mistakes that can poison our happy communications. Both of them usually creep in silently to ruin, but we can control them with our prompt and timely efforts.
The first issue is judging others with some pre-made concepts due to our general experiences in life or under the pressure of the moment, which kills any good emotions. In those instances, we forget about the good things that person has done or said in the past and dismiss everything they've accomplished based on a single, often unjustified judgment. This is unfair on all grounds.
The second issue often arises from an inflated ego and an overly sensitive "me" mentality. This is a common problem in today's society, leading to a growing trend of self-centeredness. Such a mindset makes it challenging for us to listen to others and maintain healthy relationships. As a result, we may become trapped in a negative cycle that can ultimately lead to isolation.
A balanced sense of "Me" can be beneficial, but when it exceeds that level, it becomes like a termite that can quickly destroy any good relationship. Arrogance, closely related to this ego-sensitivity, is greatly disapproved by ALLAH.
Emotions and mental states are directly reflected in our reactions and behaviours. We can make a conscious effort to change them. It's important to regularly check in with ourselves to prevent negative emotions from overshadowing the positive ones. We should also stay away from making judgmental or ego-driven assessments of others to minimise harm to our relationships.
Positive thoughts can encourage and inspire us to move forward, helping us to remain happy and active in life. On the other hand, negative thoughts can hold us back, discourage us, and cause us to regress.
